for friends and relatives.
You are bound to feel anxious and puzzled if someone close to
you has a mental health problem or is behaving in a strange and
uncharacteristic way. It is often difficult to know what to do for
the best. But although you can't provide complete solutions, there
are things you can do to help.
1 Get information.
Try and get as much information as you can about the problem
affecting your friend or relative - for example, depression or an
eating disorder. Knowing more about it will enable you to offer
appropriate support and may help you to feel less panicky.
Many voluntary organisations have helpful leaflets, and there may
be appropriate books at your local bookshop or library. The
internet is another useful source of information, and there are
often helpful programmes on radio or TV. Click here for some sources of
information that may prove helpful. Remember that information from
one source may represent only a single point of view, so you may
need to investigate a number of different ones to get a balanced
picture.
Of course, you need to be tactful in the way you use this
information - don't force it down your friend/relative's throat!
However, the fact that you have learned something may prove helpful
if the person wants to discuss their situation.
2 Find help.
If they have not already done so, try and persuade the person to
seek some outside help. The GP should be the first port of call,
but if they are unwilling to see their family doctor, another
health professional such as a school nurse or an appropriate
helpline could be a good first step.
Services for young people with mental health problems or other
stresses are provided by many different organisations, but despite
this, your area may lack adequate help. You may have to be very
persistent to find out just what is available in order to make the
best use of what exists. Your local citizens advice bureau or MIND
group can provide information, and parents can phone the Young
Minds parent information line. Click here for a list of some of the main organisations that
can provide information and support.
'You just go round and round in circles looking for help.'
3 Listen.
One of the most helpful things you can do when someone is
distressed is simply to listen, even if you find it upsetting. Give
the person your full attention while they are talking. Don't
interrupt or make judgements and don't feel you have to provide any
answers. It will probably be a relief for the person to express
their feelings and to know that you accept them as they are. Don't
adopt a falsely optimistic attitude - if you try to jolly them
along or tell them that things can't be all that bad, they may feel
even more isolated.
4 Be reassuring.
Mental health problems can be very bewildering and frightening for
the person concerned and may make them feel unlovable and
worthless. They need lots of reassurance from family and friends.
Let the person know you care about them for who they are, not what
they do, and try not to feel hurt if they seem unresponsive. Show
you understand what they are battling with, that you are there to
support them and that help is available. Coping with their own
feelings is probably all they can manage at present, but they still
need your affection and approval and to know you are there if they
need you.
5 Spell things out.
As a parent, tell your son or daughter how much you love them and
how you are always there to listen to their problems and support
them. Make sure they know that they can always come to you if
they're in trouble and that you will always stand by them. You may
think you are stating the obvious, but your child does not have the
experience of being a parent. They may think that they can't
confide in you because you have argued recently, because they have
behaved badly or ignored your advice or because they feel that they
might let you down. It is your job to impress upon them that none
of this matters - they do.
'Don't shut out the parents. We do the caring whatever the age of the young person. It's hard to do in isolation. We need more information and support.'
6 Don't expect too much.
Try not to add to the young person's anxieties by expecting too
much from them. Making a phone call, for example, may seem a simple
task to you, but it can be daunting to someone who is very
distressed. When the time seems right, give them support so that
they can deal with one difficulty or task at a time and encourage
them to tackle this in small steps. Make sure you praise them for
what they have accomplished.
7 Encourage treatment.
If the young person has accepted help, support them so that they
can stick with their treatment. It may take several weeks or even
months before the person feels the benefit of a particular
treatment, so encourage them to be patient. If they are embarrassed
about having treatment, you might stress how certain people not
thought of as having mental health problems could benefit from
treatments such as counselling or social skills training.
8 Be a friend.
Friends can often give very valuable support. It is often easier
for young people in distress to confide in their friends than in
family members or health professionals. Show the person that you
care in any way that seems appropriate, such as giving them a hug
or telling them what a good friend they are or persuading them to
seek outside help. But remember that you are not responsible for
their distress, and you will probably be less useful if you get
drawn in too far. If things seem to be getting out of hand, ask for
advice and support on how to manage. You can always ring a helpline
anonymously if your friend has sworn you to secrecy.
'Just knowing you could pick up the phone and someone would be on the other end ... They might not understand, just listen to you.'
9 Be practical.
A healthy lifestyle will give the young person more energy to cope
with their problems. You can encourage them to eat balanced meals
and to take regular exercise. Relaxation exercises may be helpful
if they feel tense or have difficulty sleeping. If they are
spending a great deal of time at home, try and persuade them to
follow a routine of simple, undemanding activities such going out
to the shops or making a cup of tea. This can help build their
confidence and leaves less time for them to brood.
10 Help yourself.
If you are a parent or otherwise closely involved with a young
person with mental health problems, you are likely to be under a
great deal of strain. Get help and support for yourself. See your
GP and talk to other helpful professionals or voluntary
organisations. Young Minds' parent information line is a good
starting point. It is important to try and stay calm, however
worried and upset you feel, when dealing with the young person;
otherwise their tension and anxiety will escalate. The young person
cannot deal with your worries as well as their own.
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